I’m still here

Promise.

This last trimester of pregnancy has grabbed all of my attention, and my spare time has been filled with stuff on my baby prep list… and also vegging out, because let’s be honest, I don’t have that much brain power right now. My editor (one of them; they’re married, so I feel like I am working with both of them at times) said he can’t imagine writing with a baby on the way, and (rhetorically) asked if my brain is not mush. Haha, yes, my brain is absolutely mush, but I have a feeling it will only be getting mushier during the newborn phase. So I’m trying to work through it, though this feels like wading through a pond of pureed avocados.

…Yes, a pond of avocados. From what sketchy corner of my imagination did that originate? On second thought, maybe I should not be allowed to edit right now.

In all honesty, it doesn’t feel great to realize that I probably won’t reach my editing goal before the baby girl comes. Every time I hit a mental block like this, doubt creeps out of the woodwork: Am I kidding myself? What if I’m just all talk? Maybe I’m not a real writer.

But every time so far, I’ve returned to my writing. Every time. After my son was born, I remember composing one scene on my smartphone while standing over my sleeping baby in his crib. Other times, I tried to write one-handed on my phone while nursing (that wasn’t easy). It’s hard to see through the fog right now and to think that this book will ever be done and out there, but so far, the fog has cleared every time and I have returned to my writing. I have to trust that I will go back again this time, too.

So things haven’t gone on my timetable. That’s life. And maybe it’s actually better in the long run.

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